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2nd Letter
This Email was written in July 2000. It is made up
primarily of notes I wrote 3 weeks earlier, in June 2000.
(Unfortunately, the difficulties of my working in Uganda so
much of the time did eventually lead to my marriage breakup.
This email was written at the beginning of these
difficulties and refers to my ex-wife as "my wife" which she
was then.) Hi, I though I might share with you some notes which I wrote
a few weeks ago mainly for myself - and also with the idea
that some time later I may put out a book designed to
inspire fellow trainers in Corporate and Personal
Development to set up their own organisations in developing
countries - to bring the teachings that are starting to
transform the West to those countries most in need of them
but where they are not yet available or taught by
anyone. IS THE EXPERIENCE OF EXPRESSING
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE - but loving-in-action isn't always a bed of
roses. (Or should I say that like a bed of roses, there are
also some thorns) If you're a service-minded person, then working in Uganda
can be a wonderful experience because there is such an
opportunity to make a positive difference, and you do meet
many wonderful people who are very committed to helping
those in their country who are less fortunate. And so most
of my communications relate to the impact that even one
individual can make, and how inspiring it is to work
here. My wife sometimes tells me off because in my endeavours
to look at any situation from the most positive view, I do
sometimes omit describing the negatives, and I certainly
wouldn't want to mislead anyone who may be thinking of
starting a similar venture. So I thought I might share with you what the last few
days have been like. SECURITY A week ago I was attacked by 3 men who hit me and knocked
me to the ground and stole my watch. (And who would have
stolen my wallet and mobile had I not loudly yelled for help
about 5 times in a couple of seconds). Now I was unfortunate
in that I accidentally ended up in the one area that is
notorious for crime, and I was alone and it was very late.
So had I taken greater pains to be careful I could have
avoided it. Nevertheless it is unfortunate to have to think about
security and to limit your movements in order to be totally
safe. And I noticed that temporarily I shifted from seeing
new people as potential friends, as wonderful fellow human
beings, and from seeing Christ / Buddha Nature / Perfect
Nature in everyone - and instead started seeing people as
potential threats. (And to be honest, this meant seeing the
few white people in Uganda as safe, while seeing
black-skinned people as potentially dangerous. - As may
happen in reverse to a black person who gets attacked by a
white person.) Fortunately, as the week has gone by, I am
having fewer remembrances of the moments of being attacked.
And I have since met some extraordinarily beautiful (black)
people who's love, compassion, and desire to serve is
strongly manifest. So I am starting to gain the benefits of
my lesson in security without the psychological pitfalls it
can otherwise bring. THERE'S LOTS TO DO There is a great deal to do. I am trying to set up an
office and a library, to arrange training for hundreds of
people in 6 seminars in 5 weeks. Today I arranged to hire a
security guard (for just $170/mth for 7 days x 12 hours), I
talked with someone who has offered to help as a volunteer,
I recently hired a live-in office assistant (for $135/mth),
and am looking for a General Manager. Yesterday and today I
rang up and looked at about 9 potential venues, contacted a
variety of people interested in my doing training for them,
looked at furniture and various electronic equipment (e.g.
inverters, batteries and computer UPS units to cope with
blackouts; cordless microphones, amplifiers and speakers;
videos and TV's; telephones etc). A bit over a week ago I
trained the 20 Heads of Department of the City's Polytechnic
(a cross between TAFE and an Institute of Technology). And
tomorrow I am meeting them with a new found friend who will
provide them with 30 free computers and internet connection
and maintenance, and for just $15/term will train students
on how to get the most from them. Around the world there are less Apple Macintosh computers
then Windows based computers. However in Uganda there are
virtually no Macs, so I have chosen to swap over to a
Windows based computer so I can share all my resources with
the participants of our courses, and members of the
Institute's library. So part of my time has been spent
learning to use the new system and trying to configure the
computer to do everything I want it to do, and to read all
my old documents. I'm also setting up a database of those
who have attended and those who have expressed interest in
attending our courses. And I'm setting up an accounting
system, designing brochures, submitting quotations,
designing courses and making manuals etc. We've applied for 3 phone lines at the Institute, but
these take a while to be installed. So after running around
during the day, I tend to spend a couple of hours in the
local internet café - until they kick me out. And
then I go home to work. The Institute already has 3 mobile
numbers on a pay-as-you-go basis, and before leaving
Australia I arranged for a computer-modem to mobile-phone
connector, but have since found that I'd have to fork out
about $600 to get a different mobile service in order to use
this, so I'm not bothering with this for the moment, even
though it would be very handy. LIVING AWAY FROM MY WIFE: What has been particularly hard today is that my wife
spent a hour on the phone complaining that I should be home
with her and telling me that I obviously don't care for her
if I choose to spend so much of my time overseas helping
other people. It is very hard for her, and no-one likes to be in a
situation where their partner is away for long periods. I am
trying to be as supportive as possible, to talk to her
frequently, to give her a chance to vent her feelings. And
although I talked about how much work was required of me, I
let her decide how best to apportion my time in Uganda and
home in Sydney, so it would work best for her. (She chose
for me to alternate so that I'm away for 2 months, then home
for 2 months, then away again, etc.) And of course I am greatly missing being with Chris, and
would love to be with her. But I feel it would be selfish of
me to put the preferences of myself and my wife above the
lives of thousands of people and the welfare of a whole
country. I am currently reading Nelson Mandela's autobiography,
"Long walk to Freedom". And when I read of the trials and
tribulations endured by those involved in the struggle for
equality in South Africa (and the impact on their partners),
I feel that the sacrifices Chris and I are making are really
very minor. Of course, it is hard for Chris as she is definitely
effected by my being in Uganda for 6 months a year, even
though it wasn't her choice for us to live apart. At least I am glad that before marrying, I told her that
I foresaw me doing charitable works overseas in a place like
India and warned that I may not be the best marriage
partner. So although this doesn't necessarily make her feel
any better, it does mean that in choosing to marry me she
did make a choice which included the possibility of my being
overseas. Which is certainly a better situation than
marrying someone assuming they'll always be around and then
having them tell you this isn't the case. One of the thoughts contained in my book, "Pearls of
Wisdom", (which I wrote in 1992, just prior to dating Chris)
reads: "My family is the world. I aim to serve it in a way
that will contribute greatly to people's development (and my
happiness). This may be through working in places like
India, or through speaking around the world on creating
success and happiness for ourselves and others. At present,
my thinking is that I don't wish to neglect my global family
through attachment to a more limited family. Children must rely on their parents. So a father who
tends to the needs of hundreds or thousands of others while
neglecting his own children, is negligent. But a person who designs his life to enable him to
embrace the world as his family, will ensure he has the
freedom to live wherever he wants or is needed, and the
ability to spend time in whatever way he feels will
contribute to humanity the most (even if it means serving
full-time in a voluntary capacity). In some ways this may seem a sacrifice. I see it as a wonderful opportunity to live life to
the fullest - enjoying the love of a few very special
people; as well as the expansive, universal, unconditional
love of serving and contributing to the world." So it hurts me when she complains, and demands that I be
with her. I do believe that this is my life's work, my
destiny, and the reason for my being on earth. So although
in many ways I'd much prefer to take the easier option of
simply staying home with Christine (and having all the
comforts and lifestyle available to me in Australia), I feel
that there is a higher purpose to be served through spending
a balance of time in developing nations such as Uganda - as
well as spending time in Australia. MONETARY CONSTRAINTS: As I write this I am on the edge of tears, feeling a
little overburdened with the various things on my plate. I
think the hardest thing at the moment is knowing just how
much difference the Institute can make here, yet feeling
burdened and limited by the financial capacity I as an
individual can support. To date, I have been kindly
supported to the tune of A$35,000 by one of my clients, and
another has promised A$20,000 which I am hoping will be
forthcoming soon. I haven't paid myself anything since late
last year, have used all my savings, and re-mortgaged my
house to the maximum possible, in order to fund the work.
Considering the massive impact the Institute will have in
Uganda, the expenditure required is incredibly low. (On
average it is about $50 per participant - and most
participants will in turn impact the lives of many hundreds
of people, due to the leadership roles they are playing. And
it seems that the impact is sizable given how often we hear
from participants that the course changed the way they run
their organization, their effectiveness, their ability to
achieve their vision, or that it simply reconnected them
with their vision which they will now pursue. Nevertheless,
rent needs to be paid, furniture needs to be bought, as does
various office equipment, computers, phones, training
equipment etc. Last night I got to bed quite early - at 11pm. Two nights
before I was working till 4.30am, and the previous night I
was up till 3am working out, not so much how much money I
had, as how much I could borrow on credit cards in order to
set everything up in a way that would best support the work.
The good news is that the income stream will be quite high
as the training is very much in demand. Similarly, I am sure
that as the Institute does more work and becomes more
established, that people will be very happy to donate
sizable amounts to it, in order to increase the work that it
can do. But the timing is such that the income comes after
the expenditure, and is less reliable. In some ways I feel a little like Mr. Schindler from the
movie Schindler's list, who at the end was saying "Now if I
had just sold this gold pen I could have saved another
life!" For I know that every dollar spent will have an
enormous impact - and so I am incredibly keen to use what
little I have in the best way, to conserve my resources, and
yet at the same time trying not to forgo too many
opportunities that will inevitably save many lives. GENERAL LIFE IN A THIRD-WORLD COUNTRY After a while you get used to potholed roads even in the
centre of town, to regular blackouts, to technology that's
pretty ancient, and the unavailability of certain things you
take for granted back home. (e.g. For some reason they don't
have electrical extension chords, so today I bought all the
components and described to an electrician how to make one
up. On the other hand I discovered that they do have some
things we don't: e.g. for between $35 and $70 you can buy a
video transmitter that allows other television sets in your
village to pick up the signal from a single video
player.) And although things tend to happen slower than back home,
in other ways they can happen a lot faster. e.g. Printing
100 copies of one of my books took about 8 visits to the
printer and staying back till midnight on a couple of
occasions. However, when I wished to provide some training
in the 2 days that one of my sponsors would be in the
country, I was able to do so with just a weeks notice, and
to have a large number of very senior people attend - even
though the training was on a major public holiday. And much as there are a lot of difficulties, in some
other ways life can be easier. e.g. The person who's place
I'm renting has a live-in cleaner/house assistant she hires
for just $35/mth, and many people hire a driver for just
$50/mth. (Though this also gives an idea of how poor the
majority of Ugandans are.) And although some things are more difficult, the reality
is that if you wish to experience a different country, then
you must expect things to be different. And overall I do
feel incredibly blessed to be here and to be able to
contribute in the way I am. Thank you for listening. Love, P.S. On the plus side, by the end of next week {this
P.S. was written 3 weeks after the above notes} we'll
have trained about 800 people in 6 seminars, averaging over
2 days each. Many of these are senior executives with NGO's
(Charities), Government Departments and Corporations. And we
get frequent feedback saying the training has helped them to
substantially improve the effectiveness of their
organisation and reoriented their lives towards achieving
and reconnecting with a vision they have for their country.
(Even a corrupt warmongering dictator probably started off
at least partly fighting against what he perceived as a
tyrant - with good intentions to help the country. But along
the way the vision got lost and the ego found its way.) And we've trained over 30 trainers to present our program
under the auspices of their own organisation - so we're
getting quite good leverage in spreading the teachings. Its also nice that everyone is so openly spiritual
(primarily Christian) so I'm really able to challenge people
as to whether they are fulfilling Christ's one commandment
(to love one another as he loved us), and to talk about some
spiritual elements (relating to loving and serving others)
which I may be a bit more cautious about mentioning back
home. One of the things I discovered when I first came to
Uganda back in November last year, was that many leaders
didn't even have access to a single book on leadership, let
alone the benefits of an interactive, experiential training
program designed to actually change participants to become
the sort of managers/leaders who bring out the best in their
workforce. So we've now set up a library with a good
assortment of books, articles, tapes and videos. And we have
3 computers set up to teach managers how to use computers
and the internet, and containing 1000's of articles and
electronic books designed to help them develop themselves
and to become become better managers. So anytime you go into
our offices you'll find a number of people using these
resources. And the support we've received has also been phenomenal.
I have 5 full-time volunteers working for the Institute, and
a very switched on Board. e.g. 2 nights ago at a board
meeting we decided we should approach the Federal Minister
who's in charge of looking after the 44 districts of Uganda
through its very decentralised Local Government Program
which is where most of the power lies. Having decided to
approach the Minister, one of the board members (a Professor
at the local University) said that he'd look after it, and
then shared with us that he had actually held the Minister's
job a few years ago. So although things have been incredibly difficult, there
are also a lot of great signs for the future.
© Copyright 2000, The Institute of Advanced Leadership
(www.ioal.org) All rights reserved. Last updated 13th
December, 2000
[Note written in July 2003 - 3 weeks
after most of these notes were written.] Since
writing this, my wife Chris has been incredibly
supportive given the strain that being apart brings on
both of us. The day I wrote this she was letting off
steam about how she feels - which is quite understandable
- as it hurts both of us to be apart. And I was trying to
deal with her attacks on me for not being at home with
her. Overall though, I am very grateful to be married to
someone who is as understanding and supportive as she is,
despite the hurt of being separated.
Tony
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